


Another Red Ribbon Origin Story (In Hopes That She'd Return)

by alynnamador



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak, Leandra Hawke (mentioned) - Freeform, Love, Memories, Regret, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 17:57:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9453194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alynnamador/pseuds/alynnamador
Summary: In which Fenris almost immediately regrets walking out on Hawke...





	

“I had no idea where you went.” She’d said to me. “I was concerned.”

  
Those words: so simple and truthful. She’d said all she needed to in those two simple sentences. Only. I hadn’t heard it at the time. Or perhaps it was before that, when I’d angrily huffed out “What has magic touched that it hasn’t spoiled.” and her eyes surveyed me like I was the answer to my own question. But anger clouded my field of vision. I was such a fool.

  
I remember how it happened: the gentle touch of her hand on my arm, my foolish and too-quick reflex which pushed her away from me against the wall. For a long moment she just looked at me; puzzled, scared, hurt… Once I’d realized what I’d done, my grip on her arm loosed and her expression changed. I felt a lot of things that night. Pleasure and pain in pleasurable ways. It was the first time I’d ever touched someone because I wanted to. And Andraste, take me, I _wanted_ to.

  
But the memories I draw upon most often are her eyes. I remember her eyes that night. Beautiful things decorated her chambers, plenty for her to look at, but her gaze only left me in moments when she breathed my name, begged for more, touched me gently, encouraged me on.  
In the darkness of her chambers that night, I realized something that terrified me in ways Danarius could never have. And more than once did that realization nearly slip from my lips.

  
But at some point, I had flashes, of a young girl, of a younger me. And that terrified me even further.

  
I laid next to her the rest of that night and held her close, wide awake with the memories of my world before the Lyrium… before her… stirring within me.  
I stood and dressed as the sun began to rise over the eastern horizon, which I could just barely see through the window from her estate. I wanted to leave without saying anything, but she deserved more than that. She deserved so much more than that. She deserved a whole world. Not just this shitty city. And it was a world I could not give her.  
She stirred some 45 minutes later. I watched her stretch and feel across the bed, presumably for me, before her eyes opened already searching. Her gaze landed on mine as she rolled over and she sat up, the covers falling off her torso. More mixed emotions in those bright green eyes.

  
“Was it that bad?” she teased.

  
“I’m sorry. It’s not…” I struggled to put what I was trying to say into words. “It was fine.” I finally settled on. She looked down at the bed before I realized what I just implied. “No! That is insufficient.” I raced to find the right words. “It was better than anything I could have dreamed.” At that, her eyes met mine again. My resolve nearly crumbled.  
She was silent for a moment after that, and just as I was about to speak, she spoke first,

“Your markings. They hurt. Don’t they?” I swallowed. How intuitive of her.

  
“It’s not that. I… began to remember my life before. Just.. flashes…” I closed my eyes to see those images starring back at me. I rubbed my forehead. “It’s too much. This is too fast. I-” A split moment where my resolve almost crumbled once again. “I cannot do this.”

  
Her eyes searched me. I felt smaller under her gaze than Danarius had ever made me feel beneath his. I could see how hurt she was. For as badly as it hurt me to do this to her, I could tell I was about to completely shatter her. “We can work through this.” She pleaded.

  
_Don’t do this. Please._ I thought to myself, but “I’m sorry.” was what spilled from my lips. “I feel like such a fool.” I knelt down and met her gaze, which was slightly glassy and her eyes were red. I could not live with myself if she cried here in front of me… because of me. “All I wanted was to be happy. Just… for a little while.” A tear slipped from the corner of her eye. I stood and walked away before I could hurt her further. “Forgive me.” I whispered on my exit.

  
She did not stand to stop me, or call out to me as I expected she might. A piece of me wished that she would. I’m certain that if she had, I’d have gone back to her. Begged for her forgiveness. Tell her that realization I’d had during the night. Kiss her again until the morning became noon. But she did not.

  
The Entrance Hall of her estate was, blessedly, empty. I hadn’t a clue where Bodhan or his boy were, and I heard Leandra take the dog out only moments before Hawke woke. I stopped myself for a moment in the middle of the room and looked back up the balcony, partially hoping she’d be standing there, watching me go.

  
A red ribbon on the floor by the writing desk caught my eye. I walked over and picked it up, immediately noticing that it smelled just like her. It was a long and soft, and I recognized it from the several times she’d worn it in her hair when we all met at the Hanged Man for drinks. I remembered the first time I’d seen her dressed in street clothes and not like someone ready for war. I was taken by her even then.

  
I looked up the balcony once again. Surely she’d be listening for the front door to open and close again, announcing my exit. Lingering here any further would only continue to hurt her. I considered as I walked to the front door leaving the ribbon on the table in the foyer, but If I could not hold her in my arms again, I could hold onto this piece of her, in hopes that she’d return to me in search of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Be kind! This is my first published fanfic.


End file.
